Sunday, March 26, 2006

Waters Gets Wet, Back at Illegal Alien Protest

Los Angeles,Saturday March 25th
With helicopters above and the news media outnumbered on the ground for the first time since (insert name & date of any Christian/"rightwing" oriented demonstration here) tens of thousands of hard working, law abiding protestors left there jobs and blocked traffic,commerce,ambulances etc. for hours to display there disgust at the notion that they may have to live in their own countries. "Your President Bush is a hateful man, a killer of thousands of my fellow Mexican people who are just trying to find a better life for their families here in this terrible, hateful country" said a man with many diamond rings on his hands just before "trading" several packets of "produce" with another man with gold teeth. He then sped off in his brand new Cadillac yelling, "Viva Vicente !!!".

Elsewhere, a man in his fifties, referring to the work that Mr. Bush himself calls, "jobs that no self respecting American would ever take"(in so many words), said,"They are crazy ! These people want US to leave ? Who then will you get to harvest your lettuce, to pick your tomatoes, to walk around all day in cow leavings !?! To take lousy pay for disgusting work in exchange for my human dignity...?" The man left to join the border patrol of Southern Mexico. "I don't need this crap!" he was heard to say.

Later, the crowd parted as if by Jesus herself when Rep. Maxine Waters appeared before astonished gazes and rapture."I have come to tell you that you have nothing to fear from the great devil in Washington. If you can lift your hand, you have nothing to fear! If you can swing a club, you have nothing to fear! If you can huck a stone, You have nothing to fear! If you can block the path of an oncoming minivan, remove the occupants, and then mercilessly beat them until they love you, I am here to tell you, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR! " The crowd stood awstruck by this amazing orator. A young immigrant worker was heard to say,"Man, I just want to feed my kids. And besides, wasn't this a protest to keep us here ? I don't want anymore of them coming in either. They're trying to take MY job too ya know ?", but the chants of,"No union pay scale/benefits/retirement package, No Peace!", drowned him out.

Then, everyone milled around for a few minutes and went back to work. Also, Ms. Waters limo was apparently "baptized" with "holy water" and keyed by what looked to have been about 50,000 claw hammers, rakes and or feather dusters. "My people" she said, and with a wry, knowing kind of smile, laid rubber a half mile straight out of the area while spraying machinegun fire from the built in turret in her bullet proof stretch Hummer. Later,her assistants passed out leaflets explaining Ms. Waters "illustration" of the affects of the Bush/Cheney policy on gun & ammo control. A policy that resulted in the death of this reporters shield er..uh photographer. That's it from L.A.



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